“Why Do I Sin?”
Anonymous
(Contents of a recent email to Frank Becker)
Someone recently sent me this incredibly honest and sensitive appraisal of the sin problem that all Christians face. You may pick at the writer’s theology, but few people I’ve known have grown so much in their faith that they could express the truth with such humility. I’m honored to offer these thoughts for your edification. —Frank Becker
“I was just thinking last night… why do I sin? Why do I always give in to sin? Pride, anger, screaming… why?! If Christ saved me, why do I sin?
“Then I realized:
1) He gave me absolute freedom to do whatever I like. This is what true love is; you have freedom to sin.
2) He died for me 2,000 years ago. He bled for me 2,000 years ago. He forgave me 2000 YEARS AGO!! I have only this grace. I am NOT ‘twisting the spear and watching the blood and water flow” as Jars of Clay so elegantly describes it when I sin; He already forgave me. I have only to hold my head high and ‘Go forth and sin no more.’ but that’s not really possible.. is it..
3) Then I was given an epiphany last night, which is ironic because it’s something I’ve been taught from childhood. I am fighting an actual war but I don’t even act like I’m at war. I’m not fighting back when these feelings of rage or inadequacy or whatever come over me. I’m not putting on the breastplate of righteousness and carrying the shield of truth, and having my feet shod my with the gospel of peace. Most importantly, I’m not even in the right frame of mind that I’m actually doing battle!
“FOR WE BATTLE NOT AGAINST FLESH AND BLOOD, BUT AGAINST PRINCIPALITIES, AND POWERS, AND THE RULES OF DARKNESS OF THIS WORLD, AND SPIRITUAL WICKEDNESS IN HIGH PLACES.
“Of course, we memorized that… and we memorized Ephesians 6… and I opened that up this morning and was somewhat surprised to learn that that verse is in the armor chapter.
“But I never really associated it with actually preparing for battle. I always thought of it as a particularly colorful metaphor, but we are actually at battle. I am actually going to war EVERY DAY and it’s against the dark one and his fiery darts… and myself. My old man.
“I was at war all the time and I never even really thought about it.
“I know, I know… this is something that pastors’ like you have been saying for generations. But it never really sunk in: that I enter the battlefield whenever I’m about to sin. I may not be doing battle all the time, but that is my actual battlefield. That is where I win, lose, or die.
“And I have EVERY tool and weapon that I need to win. I just need to start acting like I’m at war. I need to have a battle stance. I need to be prepared.
“Fighting sin is not a matter of modern psychology or ‘techniques’ or even reading your Bible every day. For a long time, I couldn’t understand why I was still sometimes sinning even after reading my Bible every morning, or how I’d get angry and short-tempered, and I think it’s just because I wasn’t ALSO donning the other gear. I was only carrying a sword, but no shield, and definitely my feet were uncovered with the preparation of the gospel of peace.”